A woman, unfamiliar with weddings in the foreign country where she resides, received an invitation from a kindly older colleague, requesting her presence at her daughter’s momentous occasion. Following the code of “dressing to impress,” she chose a traditional costume from her country for the occasion. To her amazement, both the bride and her colleague were enraged by her choice.
Confident businesswoman with arms crossed in office | Photo: Getty Images
On October 25, 2023, an anonymous author shared her story on the popular subreddit forum “AITA”. The author of the post , a 27-year-old black African woman, lived and worked in Germany for a certain period on secondment. During her stay, she formed a close friendship with a 60-year-old colleague.
An elderly woman looking at herself in the mirror | Photo: Shutterstock
This elderly woman invited the woman to her daughter’s wedding, which sparked her excitement as she had never attended a “white wedding” before. To clarify expectations about attire, she asked about the dress code and color scheme, which was not specified on the invitation. She was informed that the code was to “dress to impress.”
What happened on the wedding day?
The woman accepted the challenge and on the wedding day she confidently wore her traditional attire, a beautiful green garment that stood out clearly in the German surroundings. At first, she assumed that there would be no problem with her choice. However, throughout the event, she received numerous questions and compliments about her outfit, which she modestly downplayed so as not to overshadow the bride’s day.
When Monday arrived, the woman sensed an unusual atmosphere in the office, with hushed whispers and colleagues displaying a more reserved behavior than usual.
Family members rejoicing at a wedding reception | Photo: Getty Images
“My partner seems colder than usual, but I don’t give it a thought because she’s the mother of the bride and might be worried. The bride is downright rude to me, but again I give her the runaround. I congratulate her and thank her for including me, and get a tense face in response,” the woman said .
A woman dressed for a special occasion | Photo: Getty Images
Throughout the event, the woman remained on the periphery of the room and distanced herself from the music that did not suit her taste. She observed the nuances of European weddings, trying to understand the cultural differences. After five hours, at 8 o’clock sharp, she made her exit, leaving before the wedding was over.
How did everyone react when the woman returned to the office on Monday?
When Monday arrived, the woman sensed an unusual atmosphere in the office, with whispers in hushed tones and colleagues who were more reserved than usual. A friend from the office took her aside and clarified the situation: the mother of the bride was furious.
A bride with her mother | Photo: Getty Images
According to her, the woman’s attire at the wedding was considered too extravagant and inappropriate, and it unduly diverted attention from the bride. Apparently, the mother had spoken out about this, spreading the version that the woman’s attire was not only ostentatious, but also disrespectful, causing a stir among the guests.
Feeling the need to address the issue, the woman approached the bride’s mother and asked her to have a conversation. However, the bride’s mother refused, claiming that she had nothing to say to her. Perplexed, the woman asked her why she had shared her grievances with others but did not communicate them directly to her. In response, the bride’s mother called the woman insolent.
A woman in distress | Photo: Shutterstock
In her defense, the woman clarified to anyone who reprimanded her that this was her first experience with a wedding in a predominantly white cultural context. She emphasized that she had specifically sought guidance on what to wear and had followed the instructions she had been given.
A newlywed couple celebrating their union with friends | Photo: Getty Images
The woman explained that in her homeland, weddings were vibrant celebrations where attendees wore their finest attire. The concept of not upstaging the bride was foreign to her. When someone made a racist comment, implying that people from that background had better manners, the woman responded defiantly, refusing to back down. As a result, rumours began to circulate that she lacked remorse for her actions, leading to questions about her behaviour and whether she had made a mistake.
Elegant candle holders and a bouquet of white flowers in a vase | Photo: Pexels
The woman shared some additional details of her story, noting that she was about to board a flight after someone told her to go back to her country, a comment she took with humor. She acknowledged the comments she received and admitted that while she was not wrong, she understood that she could have dug deeper or done more research, which was fair enough.
The woman also explained that her use of “white wedding” was in reference to the fact that it was the first wedding she had attended where the bride, groom, and bridal party all wore white. She stressed that the term was not intended to have any deep meaning. She also posted a photo of a dress similar to the one she had worn at the wedding, for her Reddit followers to see.
A woman relaxing on a plane | Photo: Getty Images
Responding to a commenter who blamed the mother, criticising her for gossiping, giving wrong advice and inviting the woman to her daughter’s wedding, which the commenter said should have been the couple’s responsibility, the woman explained:
“Where I come from, [that] is nothing out of the ordinary. I assumed he had set [the number] of guests or had permission from his daughter .”
Readers’ comments
“This is the mother’s fault. Not only for being a gossip and giving you bad advice, but also for inviting you to her daughter’s wedding. The couple should invite people. It’s not your fault,” commented one user.
“I wish more brides would stop worrying about what their guests wear,” commented another.
“Hi, as an Eastern European immigrant, I don’t understand the whole ‘upstaging’ the bride thing either. That’s why at my first American wedding years ago, I also wore my best and overdressed myself. I couldn’t imagine not wearing my best. I married a Southeast Asian, and in both of our cultures, you can’t ‘upstage’ the bride. You can wear the brightest jewelry, and the bride will show up with a full chandelier! Don’t take it personally, your colleagues seem very petty. However, if they continue to make inappropriate comments, contact HR. It’s not your fault,” said another.
“How can anyone outshine the bride unless they’re wearing an actual wedding dress?! I’m South Asian and our wedding dress code is EXTRAVAGANT. JUST go as extravagant as you want because the bride will outshine the entire venue!” another user commented .
What do you think about this story? Do you think the woman made a mistake by choosing an outfit that overshadowed the bride, or that her older colleague should have been more explicit in specifying the dress code?
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